Fathers battle of dinner

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I think I will write a book entitled “The Great Battle of Dinner” which will no doubt include chapters like these:

  1. Why are you eating when we have not prayed yet?
  2. Keep your hands off your brothers food.
  3. The reason you are not hungry is because you drank all your milk first.
  4. How did you get that butter in your ear?
  5. A place mat is not head gear.
  6. That’s just f***ing gross, man.

And others. Holy crap.

Are you really “over” feminism?

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Earlier this morning, this article was shared by a female friend on social media. It is one in a flood of recent articles complaining about how angry, naked feminist protesters with obscenities scribbled across their chests have wrecked what “true” feminism was supposedly about.

It’s pretty standard stuff, and many of me and Mychaels female friends express the basic sentiment regularly. And many of them read here.

I want to start by asking are you really “over” feminism? Or you are annoyed that feminism has followed its natural progression and born its teeth and true intentions in such an ugly way?

Here’s the thing–and this is a major piece of understanding what it really means to swallow the “red pill.” When taking in a biblical, historical arch of history, it is a categorization error to try and make a meaningful philosophical distinction between the various “waves” of feminism. And there are many of us who have finally woken up to this fact.

Because even though modern feminists are more obnoxious than some of what we have seen in the past, the basic catalyst for all of its chosen battles and victories has been the same. Namely, envy of the perceived “unearned” privileges that men have, until recently, enjoyed in their families, their communities and the society at large. The curse placed on women when Eve was kicked out of the garden was that she would do this. Her desire was to “rule over” man. And remember, she was taken in by the possibility of being “like” God, the ultimate “man” in the picture.

Do men have unearned privilege? Did they ever? Considering that the vast majority of the civilized worlds battlefields and industrial accidents are filled with the corpses of men, I would argue that whatever privilege there was, was earned indeed. All of those deaths happened to provide women and children with a stable, easy, lifestyle.  And consider the evidence of the curse that is involved–the desire is to have all this privilege without the commensurate risk and accountability that goes with it. Women obtained the vote and a decent level of involvement in every aspect of running the country but are still not required to register for the Selective Service. They complain about the “wage gap” but are not clamoring for entrance into some of the highest paying professions in the country because they are in the trades. These come with the risks associated with working around dangerous chemicals, explosions, construction sites, heavy equipment, high places etc.  Icky, dirty, hazardous stuff. They sit in air-conditioned office buildings and fail to notice that the building was built by men who lost life and limb doing so, or even that the person dangling on the scaffolding outside cleaning the window is probably a man. There are two sets of physical fitness standards in the military (which is tied to promotion). Easy access to abortion (sex without consequences) birth control (sex without consequences) and a total dominance in the divorce and custody system are considered sacraments in the religion of feminism–and even conservative “feminists” believe this. And on and on it goes.

So, if you are one of those women who read here, and are wondering why this sudden annoyance with feminism rings hollow for many of today’s men, let me help.

To begin– understand, as Dr. Helen Smith has been documenting for several years now, that the incentives for men to get married are gone. Dr. Helen is a clinical psychologist (forensic sub-specialty) by trade and has written a book about why the marriage rate is falling from the mans perspective. It’s called Men on Strike.

Next, there is evidence that the entire civilized world is organized in such a way as to make the female reproductive strategy the dominant force. This blogger has been writing about it for several years now. The idea is that based purely on biological realities and drives it makes sense to preserve and protect eggs over sperm, since they are, in pure market terms more valuable. Christians generally reject this as the only model for understanding human sexual behavior–see “Dalrock” below.

The youtuber “Turd Flinging Monkey”a MGTOW guy drew attention to himself by critiquing the PragerU videos about masculinity, as did I, here. These folks cannot help but continue to double down on men emulating the 1950s “Ward Cleaver” archetype because they refuse to acknowledge that the America of the previous decades  (the 20s, 30s and 40s) also produced a fairly good supply of “June Cleavers” for him.  And the entire culture supported this form of marriage. It is no longer realistically available to the average man.

The entire military mental health profession is totally dumbfounded by the rising suicide rates among our ranks, yet can’t seem to put 2 and 2 together. The data clearly shows that the most accurate profile of a “typical” military suicide is a male soldier who’s wife has taken all his stuff, his children and a good portion of his future earnings. So he feels hopeless and ends his life. It’s the Occams Razor (most reasonable and intuitive) explanation but is obscured by the cultural disconnect. This data extrapolates into the general population quite well. And why not, the entire system is designed to encourage this behavior. See here:

http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence

The aforementioned Turd Flinging Monkey actually has a theoretical model for this based on the Kubler-Ross stages of grief:

Finally, the Dalrock blog has been the singular most powerful force in synthesizing all this data from a Christian perspective and trying to sift out what the right response to it is–in particular for married fathers, but his stuff is valuable for everyone.  He gives a Christian context and actionable information to a seemingly impossible cultural narrative.

Feminism has accomplished basically every one of its goals. It is not now in a new “wave” but rather shoring up the last bits of power for itself. It has infiltrated every aspect of our lives, including the church, the state and the culture.

*image copied from “The Father’s Rights” movement page.

Thanks again, friends.

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That infection hit her pretty hard and she spent almost a week in the hospital. The course of antibiotics they sent her home on is brutal.  But my sweet wife is home with me, resting, where she belongs.

Thank you everyone for the prayers.

A small gesture that says so much

img_1943I still say there is no America, no shared values, no shared culture…

BUT.

I was standing in line at HEB waiting to buy these puzzles and stuff for Mychael– bored out of her mind at the hospital. Kenna and David are with me and acting crazy, then I realized I left my wallet in my truck. I had to leave the stuff, take two unruly kids all the way back out to the truck and get my wallet.

When I got back into the store, the lady in front of me had paid for all of Mychael’s goodies.

These are the people the scripture tells us are angels among us and we never know what mission they may be on.

Be good. Do good.

On the matter of boys who nurture

Since I have been home for a couple of days while Mychael recovers in the hospital, I have been present to observe a few things.

Exhibit A:

That’s my littlest guy, pushing a baby stroller.  (Don’t mind the laundry pile. We are operating at 50% strength around here). Unprompted, he grabbed one of my daughters babies, found the stroller and put it in. He pushed it around for a while, stopping to “show” the baby things, “talking” to it, etc. He’s been doing this a lot lately.

Exhibit B:

Here he is, with a baby wipe, cleaning the baby’s face, presumably after the baby “ate.”

As a dad, it’s tempting to panic when we see this. Oh my God, he’s becoming a woman!

I neither encourage nor discourage this in them and both both boys went through something like this. No big deal. I suspect its more pronounced when I am around here playing both parents. They mimic it.

Anyway, enjoy it. It’s harmless.

Michael

 

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Michael is 46 and has four children. He is a supply sergeant in the Michigan National Guard where he has served for sixteen years.

I feel that fatherhood is the greatest undertaking of my life. I have not always done a great job at it, but I have never quit. My greatest fear is not having the time to equip my older children fully so that they can navigate the modern world as morally upright Christians.

It’s true they will go up fast. But the time you have invested in the most honorable time there is. Michael is a father. We honor him here.

 

For God’s sake man, objectify your wife once in a while.

There’s a little bit of backstory to this one so bear with me. But first, my two regular disclaimers:

First, I am no married game expert. Whatever natural “alpha” traits I may have had were systematically drained from my being like so much orange juice from a ripe Valencia orange. I was born in 1971 and immediately submersed in 40 years of gyno-centric, 2nd and 3rd wave christo-chivalric-feminism to the point that when I was frivorced in 2000, I presumed the whole thing was my fault.  My only previous attempt to cover this topic remains my single most popular and re-shared archived post, so I will take another stab at it here. But remember, you did not hear me say “if you are not doing it this way, you are doing it wrong!”

Second–remember men–this stuff brings with it risk. Big risk that if taken the wrong way or perceived in the open by the wrong person you could lose everything.

So, lets proceed.

I would like to start by asking for the prayers of my regular readers as Mychael has been going through very painful complications from a relatively routine dental procedure. She is in quite a bit of pain and I am, at this very moment playing stay-at-home dad, feeding and putting the kids down while she is lonely in the hospital after oral surgery. Our family is not whole right now, so please pray for my sweet wife.

Which brings me to how I came to want to write on the married game topic again. This complication has been going on for over a week now and it really took off while I was away on business last week. Mychael was here trying to manage things while her face and jaw were swollen and in so much pain that she could barely sleep–let alone take care of the kids with no rest.

And what was her biggest concern? That her face would be permanently disfigured and I would no longer find her desirable. (There is a risk of facial deformation with what has happened). Let that sink in for a minute, and think whatever you want about it. You can argue “well that Scott is so fixated on physical appearance that he drove this anxiety right into her.” That’s fine. But here’s how I reacted.

I thought about what I could do/say to ease her fear of this. We spoke on the phone and no matter what I said, she would not be consoled. It occurred to me that a more public affirmation was required. Then I remembered, she had taken a picture the night before I left town that would make a great Facebook post for this profession of undying love I wanted to do.

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We were lying next to each other watching movies on Netflix and she was wearing short-shorts. She looked down and saw her own legs, with my hand on them and decided she liked it. She snapped the photo and texted it to me. Sitting there in my hotel room I felt helpless. I could not be there with her and make her know how devoted I am to her. So I attached the photo to a post for her to see with the following text:

Mychael took this picture the night before I left on this trip. We were watching movies on my laptop and she snapped it. A little risque? Sure. 

But here’s why I am posting it. With this dental issue, she has had some noticeable facial disfigurement. It is most likely going to completely resolve but there is a chance that some of it may be permanent. She has been crying to me each night that she is worried I will no longer find her attractive when I get home.

I would like to announce to my wife and everyone we know that there is no chance of this happening. When we are old and withered away–totally physically useless to each other–I will be still be loving her. I will always want to have my hands on her, and kissing her and be right next to her.

Sweetheart, you could lose all your limbs and have your face scraped off in a horrific face-scraping accident and I will still be crazy head over heals in love with and committed to you. Plus, in that shape you would be really easy to catch.

Some call it “wife goggles” but this is what I see, every time I look at her. I think this is called “being intoxicated by the wife of your youth.”

I will be home tomorrow and no matter what you look like, you are my dream girl.

Within seconds the post was flagged by someone (I assume one of her friends). No reason given, or at least none that was forwarded to me. My best guess is it was offensive because it “objectifies” Mychael, and we have a lot of standard republican fem-centric “conservative” friends. As we all know, this is one of the areas where “conservatives” and feminists converge. Feminism has created the new Victorians.

I eventually snuck it through, but it was bizarre. The moment I was trying to create was nearly lost. But it had the desired effect–that is Mychael got the message and her anxiety began to subside.

Here are a couple of salient and important facts about what happened here:

  1. It cannot be overstated that is was Mychael who snapped the photo. Taking a picture of her own bare legs with my hand on them, and texting it me is girl game, plain and simple.
  2. I reject the notion that somehow I have created or provoked the anxiety in Mychael that I would abandon her if she all the sudden looked less objectively pretty. Anyone who knows me personally and has observed us together can attest to my devotion, and that it is not singularly wrapped up in her looks.
  3. The text of what I wrote in the FB post will almost invariably be critiqued as weak pedestalizing. This is one of the areas where I get sideways with the purist game crowd. She’s my wife and needed this. It made her purr like a cat. I don’t talk like that to any other women.
  4. An appeal to the female preoccupation with vanity, combined with a relieving of their innate need for validation and attention can be valuable, if done in a loving way. My intentions were to reassure, especially since I was 2000 miles away at the time.

And for the prudes who needed smelling salts after seeing my wife’s bare legs (the same ones who are OK with Ivy Doomkitty plastering her thong covered crotch all over FB), take this:

 That’s us grocery shopping–right out in the open! The horror!